


you showed me the secret of life.

by prohibitionspiderman



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Character Study, I certainly dont, I reject your canon and substitute it with my own, M/M, Vignette Collection, Who Knows?, basically me exploring plotlines i wanna write but i dont actually.. Wanna Write u know, loki was tortured by thanos and nothing can convince me otherwise, no set plot but some of these probably take place in the same au, probably assume none of these are connected unless stated otherwise, sometimes aus sometimes somewhat following canon, you could probably consider some of these character introspection / development so
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-02-07 19:21:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21463216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prohibitionspiderman/pseuds/prohibitionspiderman
Summary: Stephen turns to his partner. "I can't believe you.""You're dating the God of Mischief, darling," Loki says with a flourish, pulling him closer. "What did you expect?"Or, vignettes featuring Loki and Stephen's relationship.
Relationships: Loki/Stephen Strange
Comments: 23
Kudos: 81





	1. this adventure, oh then i want to share it with you

**Author's Note:**

> the amount of strangefrost content i have either written or in progress is either depressing or impressive depending on how u wanna look at it  
anyway i love these boys and the day i stop writing for them will be the day im six feet under

1\. 

Loki laughs, and it’s one of those rare times when it feels _real_. Like he’s genuinely allowed himself to be unconcealed, that calm and collected mask fading for a moment. And Stephen’s breath catches in his throat, because gods Loki is _beautiful_.

He’s always breathtaking, but in moments like this, where he looks free and pure and _perfect_, he seems every bit the god that he truly is. And finally, sheer adoration pushes Stephen to act. 

Before he’s even really considered it, he’s leaning closer, one hand drifting to press gently against Loki’s cheek. They were close just moments before, but now they’re practically nose to nose. Loki freezes, a plethora of emotions crossing his face – shock, confusion, and then a sudden calm settles over his features, a shadow of the mask that he always seems to wear. Stephen takes a deep breath, clearing his head of doubt. 

And then he’s closing the distance between them, pressing their lips together. Loki sighs against him, melting into his touch, a hand snaking up to touch Stephen’s. There’s a hesitancy in his movements that prevails for a short moment, and then he seems to sink into Stephen, his hold on his hand tightening as if he’s afraid of Stephen pushing him away, of being let go. Pressing closer, Stephen deepens the kiss, taking Loki’s face in his hands, trying to communicate just how much he wants this, wants _Loki_. It’s soft, delicate, and everything Stephen hadn’t dared to hope for. When he finally breaks the kiss, he hardly dares to breathe, eyes still closed in a sort of reverence. Across from him, Loki lets out a shaky breath. 

“Stephen.” His voice is trembling and unsteady, as if he might break at any moment. “You don’t… you don’t want this.” 

Stephen looks up to meet his eyes. “I do. _I do_.”

Loki looks conflicted, a mix of disbelief and longing gathering in his eyes. “You _don’t_.” Despite how intensely he disagrees with him, Stephen waits for him to continue. He seems almost lost for words, hands shaking in Stephen’s. “I’m… I’ll ruin you, everything I touch I destroy-”

Stephen breaks off his words with another soft kiss. “That’s not true.” 

“I have killed.” Loki sounds desperate now. “There is blood on my hands, and you-”

“Loki.” Stephen clasps the god’s hand firmly in his. “Listen to me. I _want_ this. I want _you_. More than anything. From the first day I met you I’ve only fallen more and more in love with you. And it terrifies me because I’ve never felt this way about anyone.” He strokes a thumb gentle over Loki’s hand. “I want all of you, I want everything that comes with you, whether it be good or bad – Loki, I want you. So, so much.” Loki looks in the verge of tears, breath shaking and his eyes wide. “And nothing you can say will change my mind because_ I am hopelessly in love with you_.” He presses a kiss to Loki’s trembling hand. “With every piece of you.” 

Loki closes his eyes, as if still in denial. When he finally opens them, there are tears running down his cheeks. “Okay,” he whispers. “Okay.” 

Stephen lifts a hand to gently brush away the tears. “I’m sorry. If it was unwanted-” 

“It’s not.” Loki’s voice shakes. “It’s not unwanted.”

Stephen smiles, closing his eyes in bliss. He leans his forehead to Loki’s with a sigh of contentment. “_Oh_. Good.” He presses a kiss to the corner of Loki’s mouth. “_Good_.”   
Loki’s breath is still shaky, as if he can’t quite believe that this is happening. Now that he has permission, almost desperately, Stephen captures him in another gentle kiss. Just like before, Loki melts into him with a quiet little sigh, his fingers intertwining with Stephen’s. 

“Norns, I love you,” Loki whispers against his lips, and Stephen kisses him again, a hand rising to thread his fingers through Loki’s hair. He feels more than sees Loki smile, an almost bewildered laugh escaping through the kiss. “I never thought- Stephen, I’ve been in love with you for so _long_, I didn’t think you’d ever-” 

Stephen presses another kiss to his lips as his voice trails off. “I _do_. I love you too.” 

He peppers kisses to Loki’s mouth, eliciting another laugh from the god. It’s the second time in what feels like moments that Loki’s laugh sounds real, sounds _genuine_, and Stephen captures him in another long kiss, trying to convey the adoration he feels for him that he can’t quite put into words. 

2\. 

When Stephen sees him, his heart feels like it’s stopped beating – what felt like only a few hours ago to him, he was so sure that this man, his soulmate, was _dead_. 

And yet there Loki is, clad in his Asgardian armour, deflecting blows from Thanos’ forces with skilled movements and the occasional flash of magic, and Stephen thinks that it might be the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. That _Loki_ is the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.

He watches as Loki darts forward, dagger in hand, lashing at his opponent’s throat with lethal precision. For a moment, he seems to sway on his feet, before he suddenly looks up and meets Stephen’s gaze.

And _gods_, if Stephen isn’t just as hopelessly in love with him as he’s always been.

Loki looks worn and dirtied, his hair a mess and flecked with blood, but Stephen drinks in the sight of him like a drug. He’s not sure when he’s bridged the expanse between them, but nothing could break him away from Loki right now. 

“It’s about time you showed up,” he says, his voice thick with emotion, and Loki meets his gaze with that same mischievous spark that Stephen fell in love with.

Effortlessly, Loki takes Stephen’s hand, pulling him into his arms. Impossibly close, he murmurs, “You underestimate my tenacity, darling.”

Stephen can’t help but smile, even in the midst of the battle for the fate of the universe. “I’ve never been more glad to be wrong,” he whispers as he meets the god in a tender kiss, hands rising to cup Loki’s face, desperate to feel his presence, to keep him _here_. 

Loki meets him hungrily, hands sliding delicately around his neck. Stephen lets himself fall into the moment, savouring Loki’s touch, his taste, simply his _presence_. Even though he knew that, come the right future, he would see Loki again, returning to the battlefield without seeing the god himself was agonising. Loki’s hand moves to the back of his neck, pressing their foreheads together as he breaks the kiss to laugh quietly. “Norns, I’ve missed you.” 

“I love you,” Stephen whispers, intimately. Their breaths mingle as Loki leans in for a final kiss. It’s sweet, slow, and everything Stephen’s missed over the years apart.

It lasts for a long moment, and then Loki’s pushing him aside to deftly slice at an approaching opponent. Stephen joins him, and with a few well-placed blows, the creature is dead. Breathing heavily, Loki turns to him, placing a gentle hand on his cheek. “I’ll see you when Thanos is dead.” His voice is soft. 

And then he’s turning away, visibly returning his focus to the battle, and something in Stephen’s chest clenches. 

“Hey, Lokes.” His throat is tight. “Don’t die on me, okay?”

Loki smiles, his eyes sparkling with affection. “I’ll do my best.”

3\. 

Loki finds him at the Sanctum’s window. His hands are curled into fists, and there’s a tenseness to his posture that gives away the exact reason he’s here. Seeing him like this, a wave of overwhelming sadness washes over Loki. This was supposed to be over. They were supposed to defeat Thanos, and then life would go on. Stephen wasn’t supposed to be plagued by this guilt. 

Truth be told, Loki had never expected to survive the battle. When Thanos had first arrived on Midgard with the power and reality stones already in his possession, Loki had expected nothing but the world of pain he was promised for his failure. The only reason Thanos failed to exact his retribution was Stephen – the moment Thanos had threatened Loki’s life, the sentimental fool had offered up the time stone in return for his safety. And so Thanos had completed his goal, wiped out half the universe, and Loki had watched Stephen turn to dust in his arms, felt their magical connection sever as if a piece of him had been ripped away, Stephen’s whisper of “This was the only way,” echoing in his ears. 

When the final battle came, Loki had channelled his pain into a single-minded rage, ready to either kill Thanos or die trying. A part of him had already died with Stephen on the ruins of Titan, the reason he’d pulled himself back from the abyss was gone, and whatever had kept him ahead of Thanos’ wrath no longer mattered, not without Stephen. And so Loki had thrown himself into the battle. Trading blows with Thanos, sheer determination and years of experience keeping him ahead of the Titan’s every move, burning rage pressing him on. Until Thanos had landed a crushing blow, knocking him to the ground, and before Loki could recover himself the sword was swinging towards him. In that moment, a wave of thoughts had crossed his mind; an apology to Thor for dying on him, a grim satisfaction that finally Thanos would finish what he’d started all those years ago, a sort of relief that everything would finally be over (that he would see Stephen again). And so when Thanos’ sword was stopped in its tracks by a familiar glowing orange shield, Loki was only able to watch in a sort of muted shock. Before he could even think to respond, Thanos was struck by a haze of scarlet mist, Wanda Maximoff forcing him back with the same kind of fury that had driven him only moments ago. It was only when the voice he knew better than anything whispered his name that he jolted back to reality, as Stephen fell to his knees beside him and pressed a hand to his cheek. 

Stark’s sacrifice was unexpected. When Thanos’ army fell, Loki had only been able to watch in wonder, unaware of the reason behind it. Victory had seemed so unachievable that he almost couldn’t believe that this was real. It was only later that he found out their victory had cost Stark’s life. And it was only when they returned to the Sanctum that Stephen confided in him that he’d known this would happen, that the only victory against Thanos doomed Stark. And Loki had listened to his words, to the outright self-loathing in his voice as he spoke of alternate futures where Thanos’ win had been absolute, where Stark had been killed before the final battle, where Thanos had killed Loki in front of him (and Loki would later find that there were no alternate futures where Stephen had refused to hand over the time stone in exchange for his safety). 

And so that left them here. Loki gathers his thoughts, and approaches the man that means more to him than anything in the galaxy. 

“Talk to me,” he murmurs as he steps up beside Stephen. 

Stephen tenses further, before he suddenly seems to deflate in a rushing sigh. “I don’t deserve this.” 

“Why?” Loki prompts. 

Stephen closes his eyes. “I knew. Loki, _I knew_.” When Loki doesn’t speak, he continues in a desperate voice, “I watched him _die_. I set that future in motion, knowing he had a family who would miss him, I _knew_ that. And I still condemned him to death.”

Loki turns to face him. “You did what you thought was right. One man, or half the universe?” Unbidden, words spoken by him yet not his own flow back to him: “_Your world in the balance, and you bargain for one man_?” 

Stephen shakes his head. “You don’t understand. When I became a doctor, I swore an oath to do no harm, and I chose to lead a good man to his death! There is _nothing_ okay about that!”

“I know,” Loki murmurs, pressing a hand to the side of Stephen’s face and leaning their foreheads together. “Darling, I _know_. There was no right choice. Stark didn’t deserve this, but neither did half the universe. You had to make a choice under the worst circumstances, and I wish it hadn’t been you, but it was. You didn’t kill Stark.” Stephen begins to speak, but Loki cuts him off. “You _didn’t_. The infinity stones killed Stark. Because of what _The Mad Titan_ did. Darling, you are not to blame. You shouldn’t carry this burden for something that is in no way your fault.” 

Stephen closes his eyes and sinks into him with a ragged sigh. “It should have been me.” 

“Don’t,” Loki whispers, voice breaking. 

Stephen breathes out shakily. “I’m sorry.” 

For a long moment, they simply stand there in silence, breathing each other’s air, until finally Loki steps back, delicately taking Stephen’s hand. “Come to bed, darling. Get some rest.” Stephen nods absently, and Loki pulls him gently away from the window. 

4\. 

Being 15 years old and generally considered unthreatening, there’s a lot Peter finds himself knowing about the Avengers. 

Gamora, on the days that the Guardians visit, tells him of her time with Thanos. She of course avoids the goriest details, conscious of his age, but really Peter’s not surprised when one day she speaks of an Asgardian prince that Thanos plucked from the void of space and broke down until he agreed to trade the Tesseract for his freedom. Doctor Strange had already made it very clear that Loki’s actions in 2012 had not been his own. Knowing exactly what happened had only made Peter more determined to be friendly to Loki and prove that not everyone distrusted him. 

Wanda tells him everything, though that shouldn’t really be surprising since she treats him like a younger brother, but Peter is still ecstatic regardless every time she chooses to trust him with something. They talk about everything under the sun, from school to relationships to gossip about the Avengers. Wanda is sure that Doctor Banner has something going on with Thor, and Peter bounces back with the obvious fact that the Winter Soldier and Captain America “Call Me Steve, Son” are completely head over heels for each other. But perhaps the most fascinating of pairs that they discuss is that of Loki and Doctor Strange.

Between the two of them, they’re incredibly subtle. Peter’s known ever since Loki’s introduction that he lives with Doctor Strange, but he’s never really thought to question the whole “possible threat to Earth lives with the guy who monitors possible threats to Earth” deal. It seemed obvious that there would be some sort of arrangement to make sure that there was no repeat of 2012. It’s not until one day, after one of the first group training sessions that Loki is actually there for, that Peter realises just how close they are. 

As everyone is packing up, Steve says something snarky to Natasha (how cool is it that _Black Widow_ lets him call her _Natasha_?) and in retaliation she throws one of her Widow’s Bites at him. Steve dodges with a laugh that’s shared by most of the other Avengers, and it’s only when Loki goes down without a sound that anyone realises what’s just happened. Doctor Strange is across the room in seconds, dropping to his knees at Loki’s side and deactivating the Bite, tossing it away. He pulls Loki’s trembling frame into his arms, and as he does Loki hisses something guttural and defensive that’s almost too quiet to hear – “I won’t do it, you won’t break me,” – but Peter, with his enhanced hearing, picks it up perfectly and it chills him to the bone. 

Doctor Strange looks like he’s in pain as he murmurs, “I know.” He makes a symbol with his hand, pressing it to Loki’s chest, and abruptly Loki stills, gasping. He’s still trembling, but the panic in his eyes is fading. 

“You’re okay,” Doctor Strange murmurs in a tender voice. “You’re safe.” He takes one of Loki’s hands in his own, intertwining their fingers. Peter is stunned by how suddenly Loki seems to relax, closing his eyes with a shaky sigh, as if the sorcerer’s touch alone is enough to prove that he’s safe. 

Natasha begins to apologise, her voice quiet, but Doctor Strange cuts her off with a clipped, “Be more careful, Romanoff,” before he pulls Loki gently to his feet. Peter watches them as they leave, the way Loki leans into his touch, how he seems to be seeing nothing at all and yet is completely trusting as the sorcerer leads him away. After this experience, he and Wanda mentally catalogue the two as a possibility. 

The second time Peter sees them comes after a mission. After returning to the compound, he and Wanda wander into the dining area to make some food before the routine meeting, when suddenly she taps his shoulder insistently, and when he turns she puts her finger to her lips in the universal gesture of “be quiet”, before she slowly points to something on Peter’s left. When Peter turns to look, he’s greeted with what is quite possibly the purest sight since Doctor Banner fell asleep at the kitchen table and Thor carried him back to their room. Stephen – ever since that mission where Peter saved Loki from a particularly bad hit, he’s been granted permission to call the sorcerer by his first name – is collapsed on the couch, Loki sprawled on top of him, both looking for all the world as if they’ve been asleep for hours instead of at most the fifteen minutes that have passed since returning from the mission. Loki’s arms are draped comfortably around Stephen, his face nestled into the sorcerer’s neck, and Stephen looks just as comfortable, one of his own hands curled into Loki’s hair. Peter blinks, distantly thinking, _aw. That’s so cute_. It’s incredible, he notes, just how peaceful Loki looks in this moment, in contrast to the usual frantic air around him during missions and team bonding sessions. That frantic air that always seems to dissipate around Stephen. 

The snap of a camera to his right breaks his focus, and he turns to see Wanda lowering her phone and peering at the screen. “Tony and Clint have a bet,” she explains as Peter looks at her curiously. “I don’t know if this will confirm one way or another… but it is very sweet.” 

Peter turns back to look at the pair cuddled together on the couch. “I think,” he says, drawing out the syllables, “I have a plan.” 

The annual Avengers Christmas party is a fantastic venture, and this year is the second time Peter has been invited to attend. It still seems incredible to him that he’s actually allowed to be here, that he’s actually an Avenger too. But he pushes those thoughts away as he turns to Wanda, nodding in confirmation to begin their plan. Pre-emptively, he begins to fiddle with his webshooters. 

“Loki, Stephen, could you come here please?” Wanda calls out right on cue, with just the right amount of innocence. Once Peter’s sure the pair are coming, he aims his wrist above the doorway and fires his target. 

When Loki and Stephen walk through the door, Peter gasps dramatically, “Look! Mistletoe!” 

He's aware of at least three people’s gazes turning to him (Tony probably, who figures out all his plans, and undoubtedly Natasha and Clint), but no one speaks up to contradict him. 

Loki follows Peter’s gaze, looking curiously up at the plant, before turning back to Stephen. “Is this some sort of Midgardian thing?” And Peter inwardly curses himself because _of course_ Loki doesn’t know what mistletoe means, and _of course_ his plan counted on Loki’s mischief-making abilities for a result. 

However, Stephen stares at him for a moment before his mouth quirks up into a fond little smile, and then suddenly he grabs Loki by the collar and tugs him into a kiss. For a split second, Loki looks surprised before completely melting into it, one hand rising unconsciously to touch Stephen’s cheek. Tony wolf-whistles, and from across the room comes Clint’s enthusiastic, “About bloody time. Stark, you owe me twenty bucks.” 

As Tony grumbles and reaches into his pocket, Peter cheers internally, swapping a proud grin with Wanda. But even better than the excitement of being right is the look on Loki’s face once Stephen pulls away. A look of unguarded affection, mingled with surprise, love and a little confusion. And Peter finds himself grinning at the fact that at Stephen’s side, Loki feels safe enough to let his guard down. 

(And if Peter shoots up a couple other sprigs of mistletoe across the tower because Loki just looks so happy every time Stephen kisses him, well. Nobody needs to know.) 

5\. 

“Son of a bitch!”

Tony’s voice catches Stephen’s attention, and he dispatches of his opponent before turning to follow Tony’s line of sight – and his heart stops in his chest.

_No._

Loki is facing Thanos, defiant as ever, and Stephen can’t breathe. He’s seen how this creature haunts Loki’s dreams, his every waking moment, the way the mere mention of his name leaves Loki shaking, and there he is, in front of the conqueror of worlds, as if he hasn’t been through hell at his hands, and Stephen wants to scream out, to carry him away from this, from everything, because gods, doesn’t Loki deserve something better?

But he can only watch as Thanos catches Loki by the neck (not again, gods, not again), unable to move because he knows that there’s nothing he can do to stop this, and he doesn’t think he can handle watching Loki die in front of him this time. Loki grabs onto the titan’s arm in a futile attempt to gain purchase as Thanos lifts him off the ground, and Stephen can’t help but cry out, casting out a hand uselessly, reaching for a spell, any spell that will protect him. 

And for a moment, everything seems to stop. Loki’s eyes flash, Stephen’s heart beats in his chest, and then Loki is shimmering, fading into an icy blue skin, reaching for the flesh of the titan’s arm. Suddenly, Thanos is yelling, dropping the god as a dark frostbite spreads over his arm. Loki lands easily on his feet, already reaching for the gauntlet, and with a brilliant flash he covers it in a layer of ice, freezing it in place. Before Thanos can react, Loki darts upward, dagger in hand, and slashes his throat. 

Thanos’ body falls with a dull thud that seems to echo over the battlefield, but all Stephen sees is Loki. The wild fear in his eyes, the way he stumbles back from the titan as if, even dead, he still poses a threat. For a moment he sways on his feet, and then he whispers, voice raw, “You won’t hurt me or mine ever again.”

And Stephen’s heart breaks. He’s by Loki’s side in an instant, catching the god as he sinks to the ground with a ragged sob. For a moment, Loki tenses in his arms, as if he isn’t aware of who is touching him, and then all at once he melts into Stephen. Whispering apologies, Stephen pulls him closer, running a hand through his hair, letting him break. Loki curls his fingers into his robe, as if he’s afraid that Stephen will push him away.

Like Stephen would ever. 

“You’re safe,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to Loki’s head, wishing more than anything that simply holding him would be enough to take his pain away. “I promise you, darling, you’re safe.”


	2. we could live for forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i should probably explain what the hell this fic actually is  
explanation is fashionably two chapters late, but that seems like the most on-brand thing for me that i can't even be bitter about it
> 
> anyway long story short this is essentially a collection for the many vignettes & snippets ive written about stephen and loki. the content of these vignettes will vary greatly in length, topic, theme. anything ive written thats not particularly long and doesnt belong to a prior piece of writing will be gathered here.   
generally, vignettes i write are based on a single word, a song / a lyric from a song, or they're not particularly based on anything, just scenarios i wanted to write. if there's something that's written from a character's pov that is not loki or stephen, then 9 times out of 10 that's me wanting to practice writing something from their pov but not having any other ideas, so im just sticking them in a scenario w/ my favourite mcu pair to write.

6.

When the battle is over, all Tony feels is an insurmountable wave of relief. This almost doesn’t feel like a victory – too much has been lost to Thanos even if much of it has been set right today. 

He emerges from his armour as Loki, who surprisingly enough was the one to arrive suddenly on the battlefield and land the killing blow on Thanos, vanquishes his daggers to whatever pocket dimension of space he keeps them in. Fucking magic. The god looks wrecked, his hair a mess and exhaustion written across his face, and yet there’s a peace there that Tony can’t quite decipher.

Deciding not to tempt fate, he turns to scan the landscape for anywhere he can be of help.

And then – “Stark.” Loki’s incredibly controlled voice drifts across to him and Tony closes his eyes. So much for not tempting fate. He spins around, trying to keep his expression neutral.

Loki doesn’t look particularly threatening, approaching at a leisurely pace and without any visible weapon, but Tony thinks the guy could probably still kill him regardless. He opts to stay quiet as Loki stops in front of him, and braces himself for whatever is about to happen.

Surprisingly, rather than attacking him, Loki speaks. “Have you seen Stephen Strange around?”

Tony blinks. Well, that certainly wasn’t what he was expecting. “Uhh,” he replied eloquently, but it doesn’t seem to matter because Loki isn’t looking at him anymore. Instead, his gaze is focused on something behind Tony, something almost like wonder crossing his face. For a moment he goes completely still, and then he’s pushing past Tony as if he’s forgotten he’s even there, and something like alarm bells ring in Tony’s head. He turns to follow Loki’s movements and isn’t really surprised when he sees Loki’s headed for Strange, who’s pulling another sorcerer to his feet across the battlefield. He draws in a breath to call out a warning to him, but before he can, Loki says breathlessly, “Stephen.” (_Stephen?_)

Strange whips around as if Loki’s just threatened his life (which, Tony thinks, is probably fair). Rather than attack though, Strange just stares at him with very much the same expression of awe that had crossed Loki’s face just moments before. Tony is debating whether or not to get back in his armour and intervene, when finally Strange moves forward and… cups Loki’s face?

“What the hell,” Tony mutters aloud, unable to take his eyes off the two.

Strange is looking at Loki as if there’s nothing more precious. “I thought you were…” His voice trails off, and then he yanks Loki into a crushing hug, looking for all the world as if he wouldn’t ever let go again. Tony is even more surprised when Loki simply melts into it, his own arms wrapping around Strange in return. For a long moment neither of them move, and Tony blinks frantically, distantly wondering whether he’s having some weird post-battle hallucination.

Okay. There’s got to be a normal explanation for this, he’s thinking, when all of a sudden Strange finally lets Loki go, only to pull him into a kiss that Loki meets unflinchingly. Only years of press attention allow him to keep his face mostly schooled, because fucking hell he was not expecting that. Strange doesn’t seem like the type of guy to get with the psycho that attacked New York, and distantly Tony thinks that maybe there’s more to that. By the time his short-circuited brain has caught up with the situation, Loki is moving to cradle Strange’s face in his hands with a tenderness Tony wouldn’t have thought possible, gazing steadily into his eyes. Strange is silent for a moment before he says something, desperately, too quiet for Tony to hear, and Loki closes his eyes and leans their foreheads together, murmuring a soft reply. For a moment they’re completely still, and then hesitantly, as if he can’t bear to let him go, Loki pulls away, visibly straightening himself. With a grin, Strange snarks, “Take care of yourself.”

Loki smirks in response. “Don’t I always?” His face softens and he murmurs something else too quiet for Tony to hear that Strange returns in the same hushed tone, and then he turns to stride away with a sort of determined confidence. Strange stares after him with a forlorn smile on his face, before he lifts his head, visibly returning his focus to the battlefield.

Tony blinks. Well. That just happened. Regardless, he resolves to put whatever the fuck that just was aside in favour of the aftermath of the battle. He can irritate Strange with follow-up questions another day. 

7\. 

“What if I’m simply destined to be a monster?” Loki whispers suddenly.

Stephen kisses him softly. “You’re not.”

Loki continues as if he hadn’t spoken, subtly pulling away. “In every place I go, I leave only a trail of destruction. Asgard, Midgard, your _home_-”

“_Our_ home,” Stephen corrects him gently, running a hand through the god’s hair to keep him close. 

“Our home,” Loki repeats, but there’s a hesitancy in his voice that Stephen recognises as fear. “And how long until I cause it to burn again?”

“Thanos wasn’t your fault,” he says, and Loki flinches. Stephen takes little comfort in the fact that he knows the words have reached him.

The god takes Stephen’s hand in his own with a deep, shuddering breath. “Stephen, I could not bear to drag you down with me.”

Stephen cups his face gently, willing him to understand. “You won’t. We all have our monsters, Loki. And you’ve damn well died for yours.”

Loki’s breath hitches, and Stephen pulls him into a gentle kiss, full of all the love and conviction that he can’t quite put into words. “I love you. You’re going to be okay, darling.”

8.

The moment they’re alone, Stephen immediately begins conjuring a portal to their bedroom. “I can’t believe you.”

“You’re dating the god of mischief, darling,” Loki says with a flourish, pulling him closer. “What did you expect?”

Stephen meets him in a rough kiss, pushing him through the portal to land on the bed, his hands roaming over Loki’s body. Loki deepens the kiss, pulling him closer, breath catching as Stephen moves to press kisses to his neck. “You’re incredible.”

Stephen, already fumbling with the buttons of Loki’s shirt, responds with a fierce kiss. “No more than you, my dear.”

Loki hums, cupping Stephen’s face with a hand. For a moment, it’s enough for Stephen to simply lose himself in Loki’s eyes, drunk with wonder that this man chose him. He presses a feather-light kiss to Loki’s lips. “I love you.”

Loki smiles warmly, brushing his fingers gently over Stephen’s check, before tugging him into a bruising kiss, and Stephen loses himself into bliss.

Later, when Loki is curled into his arms, the ghost of a smile across his face, Stephen runs his fingers gently through his hair, revelling in just how peaceful he looks in this moment. The god shifts closer to him with a contented sigh, and Stephen presses a kiss to the top of his head. Loki’s response is a soft laugh, prompting him to pepper more kisses across the god’s face.

“Stephen,” Loki chuckles, swatting him away playfully, before pulling him into a proper kiss, draping his arms around the sorcerer’s neck.

Loki’s mouth is divine, and Stephen pulls him closer, deepening the kiss, letting his hands roam through his dishevelled hair. When they finally break away, Loki is gazing at Stephen with an almost bewildered expression, as if he’s seeing him for the first time. Brushing hair away from the god’s face, Stephen leans in to meet him in a soft kiss. “I love you.”

Loki exhales against his lips, breath warm. “And I you, Stephen Strange.”

It’s a moment of connection so strong that Stephen closes his eyes to take it in, wondering how in the world he was lucky enough for Loki to settle for him. Gathering the god into his arms, he presses a kiss to Loki’s forehead, pulling him back down into the sheets.

9\. Something New – The Score

_“This is the start of something new.”_

Stephen turns to him with a wide smile, and this time Loki doesn’t resist the urge to smile back. For a moment, their eyes meet, and then something in Stephen’s gaze turns softer, an unidentifiable emotion that makes Loki’s heart skip a beat. 

Almost absently, Stephen leans forward, and Loki’s breath catches in his throat. Stephen’s hand rises to brush against his cheek, a touch so light that he almost wonders if he imagined it. “Don’t fight it,” Stephen murmurs in a voice so full of love that Loki draws in a startled breath, and then suddenly Stephen’s lips are on his, suddenly they’re kissing in the middle of the street. For a moment Loki freezes, brief panic setting in, before Stephen pulls away and there’s such a sudden visceral feeling of loss that Loki surges forward, capturing his lips again and cupping his face in his hands. Stephen’s scarred hands caress his cheek, as gently as if Loki were in danger of breaking at his touch. Loki breaks the kiss to laugh giddily, pressing his forehead to Stephen’s and closing his eyes. “Is it too early to say I love you?” 

10\. Way Out There – Lord Huron

_“If I found a way to stay with you tonight_   
_It would only make me late for a debt I can’t escape.” _

“I can’t stay with you.” The words feel bitter on his tongue, but fear forces him to speak, these words that he so desperately wants to take back falling from his mouth. 

He half-expects Stephen to bristle in offense, to react in some way that hurts, but the sorcerer only meets Loki’s gaze steadily, his expression schooled into calm. “Why?”   
_I don’t love you._ The defence he’d prepared, the response intended to keep Stephen from looking too deeply, burns in his mind and yet he finds himself choking on the words. Whatever happens, it’s not true, not in the slightest, and Loki finds he can’t bear the thought of Stephen believing this lie. 

Perhaps he wouldn’t. Perhaps he’d see through Loki’s bravado, and he’s always been apt to do, breezing through his defences as if they didn’t exist at all. Loki’s hands shake, and he offers forth the only thing he has left; the truth. “I’m scared.” 

“Of what?” Stephen’s voice is ever so gentle, as if no matter what Loki told him, he would listen and he would _stay_, and suddenly Loki finds that, more than anything, he wants Stephen to stay. 

“I’m scared,” he whispers, “that I’m going to get you hurt.” 

Stephen considers him for a long moment, his gaze searching. “Why?” 

“There are debts that I owe,” Loki murmurs. “There are creatures that want me, that want to cause me _pain_, and I… I could not bear to see you hurt because of it.” 

“I would protect you.” Stephen’s voice is soft. 

“But you can’t.” Loki’s voice breaks. “You can’t protect me.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> while i remember,, @ anyone reading this if there's smth strangefrost related that you'd like to see written but you don't want to write it yourself, def feel free to hmu !! i can't promise ill write it but im always looking for more content to write about them sO


	3. a million little pieces

11\. 

Generally, Loki would say he handles things well.

Okay, maybe there were some exceptions. Finding out the truth of his birth was certainly a traumatic experience and _maybe_ he could have handled that a little better, perhaps without the whole genocide and murder aspect. But hey, he was emotionally compromised. However, things were usually a lot easier to process.

Loki would claim that to his dying day, even in light of today's events.

Why did Thanos still hurt him? He was _free_. Or at least as free as he could be. He'd say that particular trauma was one he handled pretty well all things considered. Apparently that didn't stop the blinding panic that came with hearing Ebony Maw's voice. And he had Nebula to thank for that, of course. Even when she was trying to help stop Thanos she still managed to find a way to hurt him.

Anyway, those thoughts didn't do much to help the fear enveloping his mind as he slid down the wall to the floor. The instant Maw's voice had been broadcast his chest had seized, his vision had blurred and everything had suddenly become too much. He had been vaguely aware of Stephen (_safe_) at his side for a brief moment before everything imploded.

And suddenly the Maw's voice was all he could hear (“_your little tricks won't work on me_”) and the awful, pervasive feeling hit that his mind wasn't his own anymore, didn't belong to him. Stars bounced across his vision (which at the very least was better than any of their faces) as memories of pain and hurt and _torture_ (that he hadn't let himself think of as _torture_ until Stephen, with tears in his eyes, had listened to Loki's story and whispered, in a voice that spoke of pain beyond his years, something about how he couldn't believe Loki was still here let alone _sane_ (but was he?)) flashed through his mind.

Awareness comes back to him in a shuddering crash; one moment he's trapped on Sanctuary, at the mercy of Thanos and his children, and then the next his eyes snap open and he's huddled in the corner of the meeting room with the Avengers staring anxiously over him.

“Loki.” There's Stephen's voice. He's hovering somewhere between the space of being too close and too far away. Loki's first thought is that he wants to collapse into him, into the undeniable safety that Stephen represents. “Are you with me?”

Slowly, Loki becomes aware of the way his fingernails are digging into his wrist, the rigidity of his posture. It takes conscious effort to relax his muscles, and that alone sends a look of such relief over Stephen's face that his heart clenches in his chest. He doesn't think he can speak just yet though, so he only nods to answer Stephen's question.

“Okay.” The relief in his partner's voice is palpable. “I need you to breathe. You're safe. You're at the Avengers Compound.”

Loki nods again, even if he feels as though the information isn't registering in the slightest. His hands are shaking.

“This is Earth, 2018 AD.” Stephen's voice is soothing. “Loki, _breathe_.”

It's only with that command that Loki realises how unsteady his breathing is. Closing his eyes, he tries to smoothen it out.

“Good.” Stephen's voice is still soft, careful. “Are you okay?”

It's frustrating to find that he still can't bring himself to speak. Fortunately enough, after a moment, Stephen takes his silence as an answer. “Okay. We're here.”

“Is there anything we can do?” Wanda's quiet voice comes from the gathered Avengers. Loki would appreciate the sentiment if his chest didn't still feel like it was being squeezed by a frost giant's hand.

“Loki?” Stephen says softly. “What do you want?”

And oddly enough, that seems like the brink of his tolerance. Thanos wasn't enough – instead it seems Stephen's genuine care is all it takes to send him back into a panic.

With a strangled gasp, he collapses forward, tears suddenly stinging at his eyes. Hesitantly, as if he's afraid the touch will frighten Loki more, Stephen catches him. Stephen always catches him.

Through the haze, Loki is aware of Stephen sending the Avengers out of the room, and that helps the icy feeling in his chest a little. And then, in Stephen's arms, he _breaks_.

And through it all, Stephen stays. There's no judgement, nothing that makes Loki feel like he's unwelcome here. Instead his touch is gentle, rubbing careful circles over Loki's back. He seems to _know_ every time Loki's mind drifts a little too far, pulling him back with only a few murmured words.

When it finally feels like speaking is possible, he's only capable of choking out one word. “_Stephen_.”

“Hey.” Stephen's voice is just as soft as it has been during this whole encounter. “You here?”

“Yes,” Loki says hoarsely. “I'm sorry-”

“Don't,” Stephen says firmly. “Don't apologise for this.”

Distantly, Loki wants to pull away and compose himself, but here in Stephen's arms is just so warm and safe that he doesn't think he can bear it. He searches for words, something to tell Stephen that everything's okay (no matter how untrue it is), but Stephen seems to know regardless. He pulls Loki a little closer, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “You're safe. I promise.”

Letting out a shaky breath, Loki closes his eyes for a moment, before forcing himself to move. Stephen moves with him, in a way that's not constricting or suffocating, his eyes searching for Loki's.

“I didn't think-” Loki begins to say, but at the hoarseness of his voice he rethinks his words. “I didn't expect his voice.”

“I know,” Stephen says quietly. “If I'd known Nebula was going to show us footage then I would have never- I would have warned you.”

Loki sighs shakily. He hates this, hates how easily a simple memory was able to get to him.

Stephen has never asked. Never made Loki feel like he has to tell him what Thanos did. What he does know he's picked up on his own, which is more than Loki can say for his brother and his friends back in 2012. And what he does know he's treated with the utmost care and respect, even as Loki refused to tell him anything more. And suddenly Loki finds that he wants to tell him, wants Stephen to know about this part of him that he's so firmly locked away.

Still. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like a bitch to say it out loud.

“Maw was-” He's aware of the way his voice shakes, but he tries to ignore it. “He was the one Thanos used when he wanted to get to your mind. He was- he knew how to _hurt_ too, but his speciality was the mind. I think-” His breath hitches. “I think that was the worst. That he was _in my mind_ and there was nothing I could do about it.”

Stephen hums, a gentle sound that encourages Loki to keep speaking. “He knew my memories, he knew about Thor and Asgard and Odin and- he knew _me_. The mind stone at least- it was an _entity_ not a _being_. The mind stone showed me nightmares and Ebony Maw – he made them real.”

He half expects Stephen to speak up, to say something to interrupt him, but his partner is quiet, with only the occasional encouraging sound whenever Loki's voice tapers off. He's not sure whether he's grateful for that or whether he wishes Stephen would say something to stop him. “He couldn't control me, not like the mind stone could, but he- he knew what buttons to push, knew what memories to pick at to make you lose sight of yourself. Sometimes I think-” He hates the sob that breaks through his words. “Sometimes it's hard to believe that he's not still _there_.”

Stephen's silent for a long moment. Finally he says, in a thick voice, “Oh, _Loki_.”

Unbidden, Loki chuckles. It's strained, but its real. This almost seems like the most sane thing to come out of this conversation. “Fucked, isn't it, darling?”

“Loki,” Stephen says again. “Thank you. Thank you for telling me.”

Loki laughs again because he doesn't know what else he can do. “He would've killed me, I think, if Thanos didn't have use of me. Sometimes I wish he did.”

Stephen's hold tightens. “You didn't deserve it.” His voice is resolute.

Loki shrugs. It's not a question he can answer. He knows better than to voice his thoughts, however. Stephen won't accept his self-hatred at the best of times, and this certainly isn't a good time. Instead he says, “It should be over.”

“That's not how it works,” Stephen says in a voice that's incredibly sad. “What Thanos did to you, Loki – it doesn't just go away.” Sighing, Loki presses closer to him. Stephen starts to speak again. “Do you still feel like he's in your head?”

Loki shrugs. “Sometimes. It varies from moment to moment.”

Stephen's voice becomes suddenly hesitant. “I know a spell. I've never used it – I've never had to – but it essentially scans the mind for any foreign presence. Anything that's not _you_. If you're comfortable...”

His voice trails off, but Loki understands what he's asking perfectly. “Maybe,” he says in a non-committal tone. As much as he trusts Stephen, he can't imagine letting anyone else into his mind.

Stephen runs his fingers through Loki's hair – a gesture Loki recognises as one meant just as much to calm himself as it is to calm Loki. “You didn't deserve it,” he says again, but this time his voice is quieter, like he's saying it just for Loki to hear.

Loki can't help the way his breath hitches. Before he even realises it he's speaking. “Do you really believe that? After all I've done-”

“Stop it.” For the first time Loki notices just how close to tears his partner sounds. “Fuck, Loki- it doesn't _matter_ what you did. _No one_ deserves that.”

Closing his eyes, Loki presses his face into Stephen's chest. His hands are shaking again. “I'm sorry,” he murmurs again in lieu of saying anything else.

For once, Stephen doesn't refute it. He lets Loki apologise for what might or might not be his fault (“It's not,” Stephen would say with an unrelenting certainty. “It's not your fault.”) and his touch is just enough to keep Loki grounded.

And for a moment, everything seems okay.


End file.
